As social media trends skyrocket, more and more people understand why moms and in-charge caregivers are so tired. Before the rise of internet memes, social connections, and video platforms, people assumed their gender roles compliantly and without dispute.
All of that has changed. There are doctors, influencers, writers, and health professionals continuing the dialogue surrounding the never-ending topic of tiredness –and for a good reason– it is still a huge problem.
Moms are tired and exhausted because of poor nutrition, fragmented sleep patterns, emotional labor, and an on-call mindset. Mothers are commonly associated with the be-all and end-all of children’s lives, putting pressure on moms to perform basic tasks like eating, sleeping, and learning.
Putting this much pressure on moms, especially new moms, causes a lot of stress, but there are ways to help. Understanding why moms feel burned-out and continue to perform impossible tasks will help as you try to communicate with them. You can learn to be a better friend, colleague, neighbor, listener, helper, husband, or partner.
1. Poor nutrition
Moms are often tired because they have a poor diet. New moms are convinced to add caffeinated beverages, drugs, alcohol, sugar, and high-fat snacks into their bodies. A poor diet is okay when it is temporary but does not work for the long haul. There is a correlation between nutrition and sleepiness.
New moms should eat various whole foods because it is important to fill their bodies with many different nutrients –complex carbohydrates, whole grains, plant fats, and lean animal proteins. People need foods that are dense in nutrients, hydration, and sleep when doing physical and mental tasks, like running after kids and emotion-coaching.
2. Fragmented sleep
Most kids don’t sleep throughout the night for many years. Infants and toddlers take a long time to settle, and moms only get chunks of sleep at a time. Moms commit to nighttime routines by checking in when they hear stirring, retrieving items their kids need, and finishing tons of chores.
Brains and bodies need a solid amount of sleep, and a couple of hours at a time just isn’t going to cut it. Moms have enabled choppy sleep patterns because the nighttime responsibilities help to feel high levels of self-worth; it is an expression of love. Most want to attend to their children’s late-night needs but don’t understand that it compounds after years, and their body gets a little out of wack.
3. Emotional labor
Moms expect to be warm, compassionate, patient, and happy. They are tired because they manage emotions, facilitate melt-downs, help neighbors with groceries, and rarely get to express personal feelings.
Emotional labor has been an enormous topic lately– and for a good reason. It is most commonly associated with workers in industries that must remain compliant and kind, like nurses and restaurant workers; moms also fall into this category. Many of which also work in hospitals and the food industry.
Mental labor is tiring. It takes a lot of effort to make play schedules and prepare meals. Add the responsibility of managing the intense emotions of kids and often public patrons –we are a mess! Emotional fatigue is like an invisible wind that blows across the face. It is fast, unforgiving, and cold. Mama’s are empty ya’ll; it is time to fill their love cup!
4. Depression
Postpartum depression is a common culprit when it comes to sleep patterns. New mothers don’t understand how it changes their bodies. They may sleep more than usual or even during weird times of the day, compounding irregular schedules.
Moms who continue poor patterns and habits may stay depressed for long periods. They experience waves of emotions as their bodies adjust to their new reality. There may be deaths in the family, abusive relationships, and poor working conditions contributing to depression. Moms feel responsible for taking care of their family as they grieve, compounding feelings of hopelessness.
5. On-call mindset
An on-call mindset means mom’s thoughts get scattered, similar to how fragmented sleep patterns get jumbled. All the responsibilities of the day mentally crash into each other. A mother might be cooking when a toddler throws a block at an infant, causing her to shut the stove off to attend to their needs. If the doorbell rings while folding laundry, she might quickly hurry to get the package before her two-year-old attempts to carry the heavy load she has purchased.
Typical responsibilities take an entire day because they interfere as she creates a routine and prioritizes tasks. In a post written by Murphy Moroney, her interviewee calls this mindset “mental gymnastics” as she describes her back and forth reaction during a Target purchase.
The disjointed mom mindset is constantly analyzing, deciding, and prioritizing. It is a constant struggle to stay on task and not be completely exhausted.
6. Heightened awareness
Momma’s brains and bodies are constantly on high alert, the fight-or-flight response. This sensitivity towards any danger is a fundamental reason why moms feel drained.
It is hard on the body, the mind, and the family when people are in a constant state of alertness. Sleeping fewer hours causes the body to be in an ongoing fight-or-flight response which makes it a constant struggle because the effects of both go round and round and continue to spiral as parents juggle responsibilities.
Mothers worry that children are in danger and stay focused on the problems to help them find solutions. When they are young and constantly transitioning, it is common for moms to worry about toddlers falling out of a new bed or getting cut by a knife.
Moms of older children are concerned when a teenager is out for the evening alone or expecting an exam at school. The prominent caregiver also knows more about their children than a secondary parent, which means they will worry over something because they are more aware of their children’s development and goals.
7. Stress
It sounds like a given, but extreme stress levels take a toll on the body, mind, and behaviors. Stress is any significant change to your body caused by a reaction to harmful situations and events.
Moms are stressed because they feel the weight of the family’s desires and goals on top of their shoulders. They think they are responsible for creating harmony and solving problems as they arise. They feel responsible for everyday household tasks, personal issues, and family relationships.
The stress of motherhood is physical and mental and can interrupt individual behaviors that help with healthy sleeping patterns.
8. Multiple responsibilities
Many moms have different roles in our society. Not only do they tend to their child’s needs, but they also commit to helping others and improving lives. They work, go to school, and help friends and other family members.
It is common for moms to help other parents, too, increasing their workload and time with children. Professional moms control business projects and tasks, which puts more stress on their lives and increases work responsibilities.
They may volunteer at schools and community centers and work a lot of hours unpaid to gain credibility in their industry. Some moms are the managers at chains and work long, continuous shifts. Others could be transitioning careers–perpetuating irregular sleep patterns.
9. Self-care routines
After all of that –the nutrition, poor sleep habits, emotional fatigue, scattered thoughts, and heightened awareness– moms have trouble making a self-care routine because they already struggle to feel balanced. Everything gets out of control and stays out of control.
Moms stay tired because they are already tired and haven’t found a way out of the tangled web of motherhood. When mom’s brains feel wiggly and undervalued, it is common to forget how to attend to personal needs properly.
Simple things get ignored like bathroom breaks, drinking water, and going for a walk. It is common for moms to forget things and have weird sleep patterns because of tiredness and fatigue from thinking about everyone else’s needs and not enough of their own.
10. Communication
Moms most definitely have problems with sleep because they are communicating all the time. They get overstimulated, and then their brains fill with sound and memories from the day, inhibiting sleep patterns.
Brains need to calm down for hours after an event to stay calm and relaxed before sleeping. Moms who communicate throughout the day are too exhausted by the end of the day to begin sleeping because they must relieve the brain of the constant chatter.
11. Trust
It takes time and patience to feel okay with someone else caring for a sweet human or putting dishes away correctly. The inability to trust others with a task is harmful to the body and disrupts sleep.
Consider this when a new mom gives her infant to a sitter or a grandparent for the weekend. While we want to assume that she will fall asleep right away and care for herself, her inability to focus on sleeping is due to her lack of trust in the caregiver. When you trust someone with a baby or massive tasks like grocery shopping and vacation planning, it can be hard to remain focused on the calm and peaceful nature of a good night’s rest.
12. Breastfeeding & formula feeding
Moms who feed their kids are tired because of their body’s work to produce milk. The hormones are changing and adapting, which causes a change in sleep patterns as they learn to adjust to the child’s demands.
New moms are up multiple times a night nursing and preparing for future sessions by pumping milk and cleaning supplies. They have irregular sleep patterns because they try to cram in more responsibilities during this time, too– diapering, reading, and laundry.
Mother’s who use formula experience this because they are an alarm clock. They are responsible for creating the schedule for feeding and are in charge of feeding the baby at appropriate times.
13. Anemia
Another common cause of sleep issues is anemia— lack of red blood cells. Moms who lack iron are dizzy, fatigued, and grumpy. It is common to become anemic during pregnancy and continue with the deficiency into motherhood which causes the body to feel weak, tired, and cold.
Anemia can make it feel like the body never recovers from a day’s work and continues feeling depleted even after rest. New studies suggest that anemia causes insomnia too, making tiredness even worse as the brain fizzles and spirals during the restless night.
14. Physical Pain
Different physical symptoms cause moms to feel fatigued– birth pain, physical labor, stomach pain, and headaches. When a person who experiences these problems gets adequate rest, they recover quickly. Moms, however, remain feeling worn out because they continue with typical mom responsibilities that make physical pain worse without fully healing.
Moms continue to play with their kids, skip meals, and are usually dehydrated, which causes more physical symptoms. They may overwork themselves outside the home and then come home to parent without properly resting from a demanding workday.
15. Relationships
Personal problems can affect sleep habits and patterns. When moms stress over relationships –personal, work, extended family– it takes a toll on their mental health.
Constant worry over communication patterns and problem-solving deplete the already drained momma. Sometimes they try to create new relationships to facilitate their children’s needs –new friendships, family resources, and neighbors– which is also tiresome.
16. Resources
A lack of adequate help can be very frustrating for new moms. They must learn about finances, cooking, health insurance, and education to properly care for their family. They will need help with groceries, meal planning, finding money, and enrolling kids in school.
Learning to find the resources they need to provide for their family is exhausting as they learn they cannot accomplish goals independently. Sometimes moms understand how they need help but have a hard time finding it which also keeps them up at night.
17. Lack of exercise
Most people have an image of a mom lifting five kids on her shoulders, but moms still lack proper exercise. They learn how to rough-house, push a stroller, and chase kids in circles, but the adult body needs different types of stretching and exercising routines to help muscles and brains. Getting the proper exercise helps the body and the mind sleep properly rather than stay awake pounding from too much physical exertion.