Sending your child out by themselves can be a scary time for parents. We love our kids and just want them to be safe. It can be difficult to decide what age is appropriate for our kids to be allowed to go out by themselves.
Kids should be allowed to go out by themselves around the ages of thirteen, state laws permitting. However, this doesn’t mean that your kid is ready at that age, as each child grows and matures differently.
Let’s talk more about letting our kids go out by themselves and how you know if your kid is ready. I will also discuss some rules to set when letting your young kids go out by themselves. Enjoy reading!
Why Should Kids Be Allowed To Go Out Alone As Teenagers?
Kids should be allowed to go out as teenagers because the law permits it, and it’s an important part of growing up. You can use this experience to help facilitate trust between you and your child as you set boundaries and responsibilities.
There are many reasons teenagers should be allowed to go out by themselves. While the safety of our children is the most important factor, we should also think about how we allow our children to grow and mature on their own.
Allowing our teens to spend time alone outside of the home can help them become more responsible and prepare them for adulthood.
Here are some reasons why kids should be allowed to go out by themselves as teenagers:
State Laws Allow It
First, let’s talk about state laws pertaining to our children spending time out of the house alone. Few states even have laws about children being out on their own, but some do. So, if you live in Illinois, Maryland, or Oregon, make sure you check the laws carefully.
These are the only states with solid rules about leaving children unsupervised, whether in the house or outside. While other states don’t indicate an age, they do have laws about inadequate supervision of a child. So, it can be difficult to decide when it’s okay to let your child go out unsupervised.
Growing Up
Letting your child go out alone can help prepare them for adulthood. Our kids will be 18 and heading to college or looking for a job all too soon. So, the best way to ensure they’re prepared and confident to step out into the world is to allow them to be somewhat independent as teens.
An important part of allowing our children to grow up is to teach them what to expect when they become adults. That driver’s license is getting closer and closer every year. So, allowing them to be out on their own gives them a taste of the responsibility that comes with independence.
While your child won’t be able to drive at thirteen, they should start to experience the independence that comes with going out of the house alone. Maybe they go out with friends or walk to a local park. Whatever your child is doing alone, it’ll teach them the responsibility of being in charge of their own safety.
Use this opportunity to set a time for curfew and make sure they abide by it. Also, consider ensuring that they have a way to contact you in case something goes wrong. Maybe an emergency phone if they don’t already have one. Either way, this is a great opportunity to teach your child the importance of spending time alone and how to do it safely.
Build Trust
Allowing your child to go out alone builds a sense of trust between you. Showing that you trust them enough to go out alone can help foster a more trusting relationship between you and your child.
Every time you give your child more responsibility, you allow them to show that you can trust them to take on new responsibilities. You also give them an opportunity to show you that they’re responsible. This type of responsibility can help facilitate trust between you.
Use this time to have honest conversations with your child about your expectations. Make sure you set clear boundaries about when they need to be home and how often they should contact you.
Also, don’t shy away from conversations about strangers and the dangers they can pose to your child. I’m sure you had this conversation when they were younger. It may be best to have it again. So, bring up those old conversations again and make sure you’re clear about the dangers your child will face when going out alone.
What Should You Consider Before Allowing Your Child To Go Out Alone?
Before allowing your child to go out alone, you should carefully consider their maturity level. You should also consider the safety of the area they’ll be in and their reaction to being allowed to go out alone.
There are certainly a few things to consider before allowing your child to go out alone for the first time.
Maturity Level
First, you should consider the maturity level of your child. You know how far along they are in overall maturity and whether this is something they can handle. If not, it may be something you need to introduce later on. However, if you think your child might be ready to take this step, then move forward with setting rules.
Sometimes, it can be hard to tell whether or not our child is ready for something this big. A great way to start the process is to talk to them about their feelings. See if they seem nervous or excited at the possibility of gaining some more independence. Encourage an open and honest conversation about how they feel spending time out without you.
Not every child will be ready at the same age, and some children may be ready for this stage long before they hit their teen years. So, talk to your child and see where they fall on the preparedness scale. If you think they’re mature enough to handle it, then move forward with planning and setting rules.
Overall Safety
Another important factor to consider before allowing your child to go out alone is the overall safety of where they’ll be going. Make sure you know whoever they’ll be spending time with, including friends and parents. But sometimes, that isn’t enough to consider.
Also, consider the area that you live in. How safe are your neighborhood and the surrounding areas? Most kids who are going out unsupervised for the first time can expect to walk through areas covering a good distance. So, it’s important to consider how safe your child will be walking alone in these areas.
While we can rest easy knowing that our children are safe with friends or family, there’s always a risk when they’re out on their own. Always remember that they have to walk to get wherever they’re going. So, factor in the safety of the places they need to walk, especially after dark.
Ease Them Into It
If you’re unsure how your child will handle this new independence, it may be best to ease them into it. You can do this by allowing them one night a week after school to go out with their friends alone. This will give them an idea of what to expect if you give them more time to be out by themselves.
There’s nothing wrong with doing this process slowly and ensuring that your child is ready before fully committing. Let this be a time that they prove to you they can handle the added responsibility of going out alone while maintaining contact and respecting curfew.
Be Ready for Their Reaction
While we often consider our own feelings when allowing our children to have more freedom, it’s just as important to consider their reactions. This will be a significant change for them, and you should make sure that you’re listening to their reaction.
If they express any discomfort to you about their experience or hesitation in moving forward with it, you should listen to them about it. While we imagine any kid would be excited about the prospect of new freedoms, it doesn’t always happen that way. So, be sure to listen and take whatever they have to say into consideration when making the final decision.
Not every kid will be ready for this much responsibility, and not every child wants to go out alone. Be attentive to them when they express this to you and respect their honesty. Always make sure that you encourage your child to be honest with you, especially with something as big as this.
What Rules Should I Set for My Child Going Out by Themselves?
You should set clear rules for your child going out alone about their curfew, contact, honesty, and transportation. Be sure to set clear rules before they go out rather than learn as you go. It’ll ensure they’re safe and reachable at all times.
The best way to ensure your child’s safety and your own peace of mind is to set some firm rules for them. Doing this can ensure that they’re safe, where they’re supposed to be, and, most importantly, come home at the end of the day. Let’s talk about some possible rules in more detail and help you get an idea of what you’re comfortable with.
Phone
Now is a great time to consider getting your child a phone of their own if they don’t already have one. They can use it only when they’re out of the house alone to keep in touch with you. What you have them do with it at other times is up to you.
You may just want a phone for your child to have while they’re out of the house, but this may be a good opportunity to allow them to have a phone long-term. Whatever you choose to do for your child will depend on trust and maturity, of course.
Overall, the most important thing in this situation is to give your child the opportunity to contact you right away if something were to go wrong. So, consider giving them a cell phone of their own and setting some rules as to when and how to use it.
Curfew
Another good rule to set is to plan for a curfew. You should set a time that makes sense for your child and their schedule. Maybe you all must eat dinner together as a family. Or you may just want your child home at a decent time to get their homework or chores done. Whatever the reason, set a time for them to follow each day.
Curfews don’t have to be concrete times that your child must be home. Feel free to give them a window of time to show up before you start getting worried. You can also consider setting a time to leave rather than a time to be home. Then, wherever your child is, they won’t feel the need to rush home. They just need to be on their way by a certain time.
However you decide to do a curfew, remember the most important thing is that your child can get home safely. So, make sure you communicate that you are available if they need a ride home.
Contact
Next, you’ll want to clarify how often you expect to hear from your child when they’re out by themselves. This is a rule that shouldn’t be left with any questions because it’s important that you hear from them regularly to ensure they’re safe.
This is important no matter if your child has a phone of their own or not. If they don’t, then you may want them to contact you through their friends’ parent’s phone just to be safe. Or they could use yours while they’re out. Either way, keeping consistent communication is necessary during this stage as you build trust and responsibility.
So, make a set plan with your child about when they should contact you as they venture out alone. Remember, this is a big deal for your child, and they may be really excited about going out on their own. So, if they forget to contact you a few times, try to understand that this is a lot of new freedom all at once.
Keep Your Word
This goes for both you and your child. Once you start allowing them to go out by themselves, you both need to be held accountable for keeping your word. Yes, your child needs to be honest with you about whatever they’re doing to be safe, but it’s also important for you to be honest about your expectations of them.
Make sure that you’re consistent with the rules that you set for them, as this will help them establish a healthy routine in this time of change. Try not to change the times too much as you go so that they can easily remember when they need to come home.
This is also important for your child to do as well. If they say that they’ll be home by a certain time, make sure you hold them accountable. This is a crucial time for your child to keep their word. If they don’t, they’ll cause unnecessary worry and concern for their safety. So, show them that you’ll keep your word and expect them to keep theirs as well.
Who They See
One important rule that you should put in place is who your child should see when they start going out alone. Maybe they want to visit their cousin or spend some time with a good friend. Either way, your child should always tell you who they spend time with.
Make sure you know who your child is spending time with just in case you can’t reach them. Something as simple as their phone dying can cause a lot of unneeded stress. So, if you know where your child is, then you can simply call whoever they’re with to ensure their safety.
This is also important in case of an emergency. If you need to go get your child quickly, it’s important to know where they are. If something were to happen, you should be able to go pick up your child without contacting them first. So, make sure you know where they are at all times so you can reach them when needed.
Transportation Options
Another important discussion that you should have with your child is transportation options. Most of the time, when we let our children go out by themselves, they don’t have their licenses yet. This means that they’ll rely on other means of transportation.
You should set clear boundaries with your child about how they can get to places. Be sure to let them know what methods of transportation are off-limits. For example, be clear if public transportation or riding in cars with older friends is allowed. Or you can ask your child to inform you before they get in the car with someone then again once they’re safely at their destination.
So, go over what you both feel comfortable with regarding transportation. Set some ground rules for getting into cars with other people and how to handle public transportation. It’s best to handle this upfront before it becomes an issue.
Final Thoughts
Overall, your child should be allowed to go out alone at around 13 years old. Keep in mind this isn’t going to work for every child. So, you may need to adjust the age based on your child’s maturity.
Remember that growing up and taking on new responsibilities won’t happen within the same timeframe for every child. So, make sure that your child is ready before sending them out alone, and always make their safety the first priority.