Step-by-Step Guide For Holding Family Meetings

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For families to stay connected, they must communicate adequately. A pretty vase of flower buds won’t grow without proper sunlight and water, just as a family won’t bloom without the time to connect and create memorable experiences.

Parents work constantly; kids are in school and extracurriculars. There is little time to relax and listen to one another. You have to make time.

Here is a step-by-step guide for preparing and holding family meetings.

Designate a Place and Time
Decide Who Should Be Involved
Bring Multiple Whiteboards and Master Board
Plan Different Speakers
Emphasize Active Listening
Encourage Non-violent Communication
Make a Follow-Up Plan

This article will delve into different ways to implement family meetings. They help transitions go smoothly; everyone understands feelings and potential scheduling conflicts when done well. There should be no pressure when preparing for a family meeting. When they are a regular part of a family lifestyle, they become predictable and reliable.

Like anything else, it takes practice to get the full value. Don’t beat yourself up or blame others if it doesn’t go “as planned.” The ideas in this article are just thoughts on how to get the most out of your time together; and ways for everyone to feel valued and a part of the family.

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The Importance of Family Meetings

Family meetings are essential for family communication and open dialogue. They are a reliable event that involves the entire family in problem-solving, planning, negotiating, and collaboration. Parents, children, and other family members feel empowered and heard during family meetings.

They are a way to get together simultaneously and a place to discuss everyday issues people ignore when busy schedules get in the way. Families make essential decisions critical to smooth schedules and extracurriculars. It’s also an opportunity to chat about undesirable behaviors like tripping or screaming.

Teach family members to value regularity. If your family life is too packed with responsibilities, it may be helpful to make time to sit and chat. Hectic schedules dictate different things that get in the way of family cohesion—often causing people to ignore one another to focus on reality.

Show your children you care about their opinions. Listening will help kids feel increased self-esteem and teach them healthy communication. Kids will talk when they know they don’t feel threatened by interruptions. Family meetings will help kids see that their viewpoints are valued.

Discuss conflicting schedules. Family meetings could be a time to plan and schedule parties, vacations, and commutes. It is hard to figure out the best plan of action while you are doing it. Taking the time to hash out small details will help in the long run.

If you are interested in learning more benefits and the purpose of family meetings, check out this article.

1. Designate a Place and Time

Discuss a frequent time to meet, a particular place, the length of time, and the materials you will need.

To ensure everyone is on track and focused, you may need paper, pens, and whiteboards (discussed more below). Young kids may not care yet, but it is always good to teach them you care. “Where is a comfortable place to chat?”

Consider having a spontaneous meeting about having a meeting! If you are new to it, just casually bring it up. Announce, “This is the first meeting!”

Quickly emphasize the importance of proper communication, gently indicate some family confusion, and encourage the next sit-down time to chat about it. I recommend ten minutes to start, then lengthening it to about 30 minutes, once everyone is used to it.

Consider the child’s age before asking them to stay for a certain period.

Researchers say children’s attention span is roughly their age times two. So, if you have a 5-year-old, expect him to listen for about ten minutes before getting anxious to leave. Older children will be able to sit and listen longer than kids under 5.

Kid’s Age (years)	Attention Span (minutes)
2	four to six
3	six to eight
4	eight to ten
5	ten to twelve
6	twelve to eighteen
7	fourteen to twenty
8	sixteen to twenty-four
9	eighteen to twenty-six
10	twenty to thirty

Children’s Attention Span By Age

Families may prefer to keep the time and place consistent; others may want to decide where it is held at the end of the previous meeting. Some flexibility is OK, as long as it happens and everyone gets a turn to speak during the session.

Remember, this doesn’t need to be a hard or fast rule. People get confused when they hear the word consistency, and they think it means that they have to have a power struggle.

Reliability means that the communication is continually reinforced. It is like anything that needs strengthening; it takes time and practice. Kids and parents should trust that if it doesn’t work out well, they can try again next time.

2. Decide Who Should Be Involved

People in the home should always be involved in family meetings. A close friend or neighbor may want to be involved; that is okay if the family is okay with it too.

Multiple family members will get to listen and speak, ensuring everyone’s unique viewpoint is validated.

Cousins, grandparents, step-parents, step-siblings, and godparents should be active in the discussion if it is appropriate. Welcome those who want to be involved if they are directly affected by another person in the immediate family.

Don’t pressure people, though.

Try not to force it if someone doesn’t want to participate or speak up. Continue stressing the importance of family cohesiveness so everyone feels safe with their opinions and goals. Eventually, young children will see that it is something people do and not a threat or an attack on their behaviors.

The level of involvement will be dependent on the age, the issue or problem, and their input. If something applies to two family members, they may be the center focus of a conversation instead of a family vacation where everyone is included.

3. Plan For Different Speakers

Choose who is going to speak first and possibly the order of speakers. It may happen organically depending on the issue; that is just fine too. It may even be helpful to plan the meeting by bringing up a particular subject before people start chiming in.

For example, “So, we had some trouble getting to the store last Monday. Does anyone want to talk about what was going on?”

An in-charge speaker who guides the meeting will likely be dominant in the meeting’s beginning stages. Be sure that they don’t become the center stage. It is helpful for someone to be the facilitator or the person who writes specific notes, but it should not be a lecture from one person.

Everyone should get a turn to talk to voice concerns, issues, or potential solutions to everyday problems.

Some people will have certain responsibilities, making them feel even more valued and appreciated.

Responsibilities should get explored to make sure everyone has an opportunity to speak and be useful. A teenager might fill water cups while a 6-year-old gets the dry-erase markers out, preparing for the meeting.

It might even consider using a pillow or a toy to indicate who is speaking. Hand over the item as each person begins talking to signify the attention shift.

4. Bring Whiteboards and Master Board

Anything that your family can benefit from using during the meeting will help it move smoothly and efficiently. Supplies aren’t necessary and do vary from family to family. Use what you think you will need for optimal success.

Some people may be chatty; consider using a timer. Others might get fidgeting and need a snuggly toy.

Write Individual Thoughts on Whiteboards or Paper

Whiteboards are great for families who want to stay on track. I use the ones listed below, and my kids love them because they can practice writing their notes, doodling, and drawing out their thoughts.

When someone wants to interrupt another person, “Just say, write it on your whiteboard.”

Use Master board and Calendar to Create Actionable Plans

I also appreciate having a master board. Seriously though, I use my kid’s easel. It is helpful to jot down everyone’s names before the meeting and write a small blurb about what they want to discuss or particular concerns.

I typically use a calendar while listening (#multitasker #missionmomplex) to write in important dates or star * potential days the family wants to try a museum or whatnot.

Materials to consider for family meetings:

5. Emphasize Active Listening

Active listening is a very focused and attentive action, requiring limiting distractions and judgments. Listening is a skill many people must practice for effortless family chats. Family members must learn to listen if they want to get anywhere in a conversation.

Listening involves understanding what the person talking is saying without tuning them out, interrupting, or multitasking. It is good to limit decisions during meetings to keep everyone focused on the speaker.

When you highlight the importance of active listening, the family will hear what other family members have to say and remember the information.

Sometimes kids and parents are distracted; it is a normal part of life. If people fail to understand one another, they get nowhere in a conversation.

Family meetings will improve family communication because everyone will learn to take turns to speak and listen to other people’s perspectives. Kids will get to talk through strong feelings, and adults will respond appropriately. When it is done at the designated meeting, you will likely see progress compared to a heated moment.

If your family wants to use a “speaking object,” this could guide the direction of a conversation toward a specific person, so everyone knows who to pay attention to. Your kids might want to hold a pillow, toy, or a special rock to indicate they are the speaker.

Listening involves eye contact, facial expressions, small gestures, listening ears, and empathetic hearts. It can also include gentle feedback that doesn’t derail one’s train of thought.

6. Encourage Non-violent Communication

Some families are violent; they push, pinch, smack, and hit to make a point. Others may even judge unintentionally, use racial slurs, or talk about political leaders when it’s not even relevant.

Violent communication is when people verbally attack others; this could be bullying, using condescending tones or rude language, racial slurs, criticizing, or placing blame.

Nonviolent communication is a combination of “consciousness, language, communication skills, and means of influence,” involving the entire family as a part of a team.

Family meetings don’t have to be a power struggle. If everyone learns that cohesiveness makes things go as planned, committing to family occasions and problem-solving techniques becomes easier.

Communication builds families and improves the quality of certain relationships. Families will always have conflict, but talking things out shows everyone that their voice is meaningful and impactful.

Many people grow up in families who still think verbal abuse is the norm; it doesn’t have to be this way anymore. Parents should model healthy verbal communication so kids feel safe with their feelings.

Families will experience less confrontation when they practice non-violent communication because family members will use their whole brains and not the animal brain that has had to prepare for a threat. This, in turn, will provide more feedback and enjoyable memories, thus ensuring a stronger familial bond. 🤗

7. Make a Follow-Up Plan

After the family has said their piece, brought up ignored topics and expressed particular discomforts, be sure to wrap it up quickly and intentionally. Try to reach an ending agreement or consent that includes the entire family.

Follow-up plans:

identify the problem
brainstorm solutions
decide on something to try for next time

You may want to use the master board for reminders or signify the end by putting the calendar back on the wall. There may be multiple problems that are spiraling around everyone’s heads simultaneously. Stick with identifying the problem, brainstorming solutions, and ways to improve for each person.

How to End a Family Meeting

Some families like ending with a fun board game, song, or a show to lighten the mood.

However, the long-term goal should be to show gratitude toward the family members and close with a loving gesture, to create a memorable experience.

Kids and teens aren’t going to want to attend if they think it is just parents talking the whole time. Likewise, adults don’t want to be involved if they can never get a word in. Use your notes to discuss the major points briefly and end with a meaningful exchange. “I hope that felt good for you.” Thank you for bringing up that point.”

If a conflict arises and someone leaves in a huff, just give them space to cool off and continue chatting with the other members to prepare for the next occasion.