23+ Different Ways to Help a Tired Mom

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You are experiencing the ups and downs of parenting, and I totally get it. Moms think they need to be responsible for all the facets of the family dynamics, and this isn’t the case. More and more families are turning to different resources to learn how to communicate well, stay healthy, and distribute chores. You and your life partner can share responsibilities.

23+ Different Ways to Help Tired Mom

Clean
Create Routine
Shopping
Provide Healthy Meals
Sleep
Time Away From Kids
Schedule Activities and Appointments
Communicate With Other Parents
Help Enforce Boundaries
Assist Children Physically
Emotional Labor
Vacation Planning
Pictures and Memory Books
Collect Art
Finish Partial Jobs
Play With Kids
Effective Communication
Embrace Confusion
Help Yourself
Time To Exercise
Budget
Laugh
Connect with your partner

The following tips will help primary caregivers with overwhelming tasks and responsibilities. This list does not indicate the responsibilities every dad should do! Dads burn out too! Pick a few you can manage and talk with your person about others they can handle.

Apply these to your or your partner’s day whether you are a mom, dad, partner, grandparent, or foster parent. You may be in a same-sex relationship and not relate to the word mom; I understand there are many family styles! Use the word you feel most comfortable using throughout this post! I support your choices.

There are ways people can help each other with goals, responsibilities, and growth and development. Each person is unique. Value clear communication to start developing this dialogue. There are reasons that people don’t ask for help. It is no one’s fault that we have evolved this way.

Please understand that each person will react differently to this initiative –they might whine, cry, yell, overanalyze, exaggerate responsibilities, etc. Try not to take it personally, and continue explaining that you want to help and that it will look different from how they do it. Repeat it if you have to– I just want to help.

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Why Moms Think They Need To Do It All

The need to do it all is genetically ingrained in the new mom’s brain, but moms totally need your help. New caregivers need help and may not realize it. If you are a mom, ask for help with these things; dad, take the driver’s seat and do something helpful.

Tasks won’t get properly.
It is challenging to ask for help.
It is genetic.
Mom brain.
Overwhelm causes strain on communication.
It becomes routine.
Tasks are difficult to explain.

New moms take the lead and initiate many tasks because it becomes etched into their day. Whether it is an infant routine, drop-off at school, or the walk to the park, moms understand children better than most and know what they want to do. It is the nature of the game.

Sometimes, this causes dads to worry as they consider their partner’s load and wonder whether they can manage a fraction of the responsibilities. Often dads don’t help because they are busy working, managing another problem, or for fear of inferiority.

Learning requires making mistakes and failing as people adjust to different criteria and expectations. Be patient and gently remind your partner that you are trying a skill you are new to processing. Because moms are entrenched in their daily life, it becomes second nature. They know which kid wants their last bite and the time it takes for an infant to poop after their bottle.

1. Clean

Learn how to do some housework. The options are pretty endless here. There are dishes, yardwork, toys to pick up, groceries to put away, laundry for folding, diapering supplies, sweeping and vacuuming, taking out garbage and recycling, sorting unusable clothing, and sifting through broken toys.

Some daily tasks are self-explanatory, while others are more deep cleaning projects. Assess your motivation and pick one best suited for your mood.

Talk to your person about it if they control the chores and get a little irritated. Moms don’t always trust that others can do tasks the way they do them. It is okay for a mom to get angry when a chore doesn’t look her way. It won’t be the same because they have mastered the duty already. Calmly explain that you don’t understand the task, and you will make mistakes learning. Consider learning by following along the next time mom performs a job to show you want to participate and respect her process.

More Things to Clean Around the House

Dusting
Garage
Clothes sorting
Mopping
Ceiling fans
Wall stains (crayon)
Mirrors
Car trash
Old food
Under the bed
Old backpacks
Deep clean bathroom
Reorganizing wall art

Countertops
Change filters
Wash pillows and stuffies
Steam clean carpets
Wax hardwood floors
Vacuum couches
Wipe wood furniture
Clean the blinds
Stovetop
Microwave
Sweep porch
Dryer ducts
Shower and curtains

2. Create a Routine

It is hard to function efficiently when moms are hungry, hangry, tired, overworked, and jittery. Moms, especially new moms, don’t want to feel alone forever. It gets better with time and adjustment, and this awareness is the first step. When you understand it fully, take action!

Figure out what she needs to feel a routine, even if it is small. Building small things together is better than dismantling what has broken. Check out this post on self-care to learn more about a routine for personal maintenance. Help her make her breakfast, take the kids so she can shower, and take over the entertainment so she can focus on her routine.

Different Routines to Help Out With

Morning
Entertainment and special time play
Self-care
School pickup and drop off
Grocery store
Homeschooling
Weekly outings (centers, parks, schools, friends)
Bedtime

Start small and build as your children grow and mature. You may want to try to take over a morning chore routine, bedtime routine, or a weekly outing. Encourage her to improve her habits to feel more normal. If it changes, that is okay. Life and practices may change. Balance and fluidity are key.

Suggest ways to incorporate your ideas into the family schedule to allow a break from her mental load. She might want to relieve stress by having a pre-made plan that doesn’t require more brainpower. Create a schedule for the week and tape it to a wall or a whiteboard. Designate days to do groceries, plan outings with the kids, and help decide on school pick-up and drop-off times. If you homeschool, consider creating a loose curriculum to teach your kids to follow that supports their interests.

Ways to Improve Mom’s Routine

Provide a paper list to make weekly rituals, grocery store lists, and general reminders. I find it super helpful to keep it in the same place! This paper roll (available on Amazon) is my favorite! I use it so much.

Use whiteboards to stay organized and collect ideas, chores, and children’s activities. Consider loading up a drawer with paper or whiteboards for family meeting ideas and chores. I recommend purchasing many for families with lots of children, so children learn to value their suggestions.

Reinforce personal interests and self-care, so mom remembers her uniqueness. Sometimes, new parents get bogged down with responsibilities and lose a part of their identity. Moms are unique and had interests before children. They may like facial routines, yoga, old and new friends, makeup, nails, gardening, favorite meals, workout routines, etc.

Talk about part-time work or volunteering opportunities for her to get out of the house. Some parents like donating their time at local libraries for story time or community centers to collect clothing and toys for donation drives. Others prefer working part-time at cafes, child care centers, or doing data entry. Maybe you have a boss lady on your hands who wants to start her own business. Keep communicating ideas for her to achieve her work or volunteer goals.

Help with the bedtime routine by reading books, bathing, snuggling, and tidying the kid’s bed. Learn how your partner has initiated bedtime in the past and communicate an interest. It will look a bit different from its typical routine, which is okay. The point is to try to help and learn more. As children get older, moms may incorporate special activities and learning opportunities that they can not do during the day for various reasons. Consider special nighttime activities for older children too.

3. Shopping

Take over some of the weekly shopping responsibilities. Connect with local resources if you have trouble affording food and learn about healthy food choices. Every state has SNAP, and there are many different resources included with the program and the phone app –free bus rides, food drives, job opportunities, and WIC. Shopping can be cumbersome, and moms frequently feel judged and tormented while shopping with cartloads of groceries and miniature humans.

Things Parents Shop For:

Food
Clothing
Formula or bottle supplies
Toiletries
Sports equipment
Games
Toys and books
Diapering supplies
Organizational products

Food: Take some of the responsibility off her schedule by going to the grocery store for necessities, farmer’s markets for fruits and vegetables, and wholesale stores for bulk purchasing items like toilet paper and paper towels. These stores may have formula and baby supplies too. If you have an infant, talk with your person to ensure you purchase the correct formula or diapering materials.

Clothing: Learn which sizes the kids are in and buy clothes or join hand-me-down groups on social media websites. Understand preferences, buy clothing the kids will like and add some options you prefer. Go through drawers or fold the laundry together to discuss the current sizes, so the kids remain in their size. Sometimes parents prefer using certain brands because of the way they fit. Understand the brand names, so the kids make a seamless transition.

Sports equipment: Some families are active outdoors. There is always tons to take on when kids are in sports or outdoor clubs. Some stores carry outdoor gear, sports equipment, and clothing for active children. Consider adding sports gear to the list if you want to take something off of your significant other’s plate.

Organization: Consider purchasing a roll of paper to hang from a wall, encourage family suggestions, and use this list to compile efficient shopping lists for better routines. Buy fabric bins, toy boxes, bottle supplies, and food storage containers to keep things manageable. At some point, you may have more organizational products than space. Remember this when you see something you think will benefit your family. Try not to overload on the bins and storage containers until there is a need. Look around the house to see what isn’t used and put it away before buying more containers.

4. Provide Healthy Meals

Everyone should feed moms good, nutrient-dense foods. Moms want to have decisions made for them to save energy. Parents spend a lot of time deciding how and where to eat. No one will think twice when an excellent healthy option appears out of nowhere.

Moms should eat various nutritious foods that help keep them active, balanced, and energized. It is common to want to snack on salty chips, eat pizza, drink coffee, and gorge on cake –and believe me, I have!– but the truth is, it just isn’t healthy.

If the new mom brain is eating a bunch of junk, don’t fret. Try to take out one unhealthy food at a time to replace it with a healthier option. People should be handing moms good food all the time. Try some hot tea or sugar-free bubbly water instead of massive amounts of coffee. Sorry, moms! Buy nuts, oat bars, and avocados in place of cake.

Different Foods Moms Should Eat

beans
vegetables
whole grains
lean meats
dairy
eggs
bread
fruits
nuts and seeds
water

The right foods will help regulate their mood, which will improve sleep. People make better choices about bedtime and learn to communicate needs better with proper nutrition. Don’t go round and round in your head about enabling poor habits. It will happen, and she will eat poorly occasionally.

Keep trying to provide nutrient-dense meals, reiterate health, and let her get upset when she wants what she wants. Please don’t be too hard on new moms when they eat poorly; please gently encourage another option.

5. Sleep

Partners should allow time for uninterrupted sleep– more than just a cat nap. According to Parents, 43% of parents with infants within a specific age range (6 months or younger) get “one to three hours of undisturbed sleep” a night. The survey determined that moms get less sleep than their husbands, and 32% of female respondents reported their husbands never get out of bed at night to tend to the new baby.

Give your overworked caregiver a chance to sleep fully for over 8 eight hours. Give her the option of a short nap when time allows, but try to focus more on the long periods. Moms, especially new moms, rarely get a chance to sleep, which makes their bodies crazy. Shoot for long periods and try to carve it out of your schedule; prepare for the time so she can get a long night’s sleep.

Chances are you will get tired from the nighttime responsibilities. Communicate a sleeping schedule with yourself and your partner to ensure adequate rest. Consider calling family members, a trusted neighbor, or hiring a babysitter to be with the kids during the day so you can etch out some shut-eye.

6. Time Away From Kids

It is healthy for children to spend time with other caregivers. Children learn different ways to manage stress and understand that mom isn’t the only person in the world. When kids spend time away from their primary caregiver, it helps them realize that other people are trustworthy. They see that dad can handle their issues, and they will ask for more help from dad when they witness his actions.

Things To Do With Kids

museum
parks
restaurant
library
friend’s or relative’s house
aquarium
community centers
jungle gym

Dads should take the kids out and give them a different experience. Taking them out of the house will allow mom to think and feel without the pressure and stimulation from kids. Consider taking them to the park, grocery shopping, or a relative’s house. Think of ways for you to connect with them that are different from your partner’s.

Use this time as an opportunity to add your unique parenting flair to their lives so mom can rest up. She will be happy and feel more refreshed and awake when you introduce new ideas and concepts into your children’s lives.

7. Schedule Activities and Appointments

Get out a pen, a calendar, and a phone and make some calls. Ask your partner to help you create a list of things that the children need to do outside of the home so you can start making appointments, playdates, and activities. Get all the cards you have saved –dental, medical, school, birthdays– and think about what is coming next.

Consider the time of the year to create fun adventures for the kids —pumpkin patches for the fall, holiday lights in the winter, and gardens in the spring. Make appropriate appointments for their health– yearly checkups around their birthday and dentist appointments every six months.

8. Communicate With Other Parents

Give out your number to make relationships with other parents. Sometimes, it is helpful to gain new and different relationships to relieve the stress on a new mom. Kids want to play with other kids! Parents may not always be besties with other parents (although helpful), and that is okay. The goal can be a simple playdate or a get-to-know-you park day.

Remember the people you have bonded with in the past year to reconnect and plan playdates. Talk to other neighbors and friends about playdates and learn to take some control over the conversations. Check phone trees from school or check local facilities for more opportunities to connect in the community.

There may be some pushback from your partner because she is not used to this initiative. Reassure that you are trying to help and are learning different ways to do it –email, phone, social media, and group texts. Moms feel so much pressure, and when they continue to create relationships with other people, the stress continues to compound. Connecting with other parents is challenging, and moms act like they always like it. Give it a try!

9. Help Enforce Boundaries

Whether your kid is smacking mom’s rear, or constantly eating his sister’s oatmeal, help mom establish boundaries. Children don’t understand that people have imaginary bubbles that keep bodies safe until they realize theirs have been crossed. Help mom by gently reinforcing small boundaries.

Learn what your children and partners need to communicate personal preferences. A lot of the mental load is from mothers being in charge of enforcing boundaries and creating rules. Talk to them about how you can help keep their body safe and learn about your children’s development.

Sometimes it gets confusing because children are playing and enjoy pushing back. Imagine a child-like game that involves two kids eating like dogs out of one another’s bowl. If they understand the other person likes the game, it is okay. When someone shows distress, focus on the uncomfortable person and draw attention to their needs to establish boundaries. They may be done with the game, need a break, or want to try another silly game.

Toddlers might throw blocks, pinch nipples, and smack faces while older children think it is funny to trip others, put mud in coffee, or play with car buttons. Teach them the difference between jokes, games, and safe boundaries. Children who want to make people laugh are trying to connect. Give them chances to communicate with you through play and explain why it is inappropriate to hurt for fun.

10. Assist Children Physically

Help children get the materials they need to do a project or feel comfortable. They might need a physical boost to do it themselves or want you to grab it for them. Kids need help retrieving items that are high up like cereal, drawing paper, bath towels, and blankets.

Primary caregivers know how to help better because they talk to their children more. Try to communicate with them to understand their goals so you know how to help. If they are reaching for an off-limits item, explain to them that it is high up for safety reasons and help them manage their strong feelings as they arise.

11. Emotional Labor

Commonly an invisible job, done mainly by females at home, at work, or in school, emotional labor is when a person takes on the responsibility of managing emotions to make space for another’s. Emotional labor occurs in hospitals, nursing homes, restaurants, homes, offices, schools, and stores. Females have evolved to suppress personal feelings to prioritize others.

Fed Up, by Gemma Hartley, is a fantastic book that emphasizes everyday female responsibilities and ways to help women uncover feelings to live their best life.

Learning to manage your kid’s (or partner’s) emotions will benefit your partner immensely. Kids get frustrated over things daily, and it is crucial to understand how to be objective, calm, and open when experiencing their frustrations.

A Few Different Ways to Help With Emotional Labor

Emotion-coaching
Emotion regulation
Talking and listening

Emotion coaching is a critical aspect of parenting that involves being present with children’s feelings so they learn to cope with stressors and manage immense emotions. There are step-by-step guides and instructions from child psychologists on navigating through intense feelings of grief and doubt. Show your children you love them and give mom a break. Learn more about emotion-coaching from Dr. Laura Markham and learn to predict behaviors before they even happen.

Listen to their feelings by being empathetic, non-judgmental, and curious. Being genuinely interested and curious helps parents eliminate feelings of doubt, worry, and judgment as they learn and understand feelings better. Be genuinely curious; you may have no idea why your kids or family members are emotional.

Emotion-regulation is when a person can manage their own emotions to have a healthier reaction to other people’s behaviors. Moms typically practice emotional restraint but don’t always know how to transform their feelings into more productive behaviors. When dads practice emotion regulation during children’s meltdowns (or mom’s meltdowns), kids feel safe enough to express true feelings.

Help the family identify issues and teach them to communicate their problems. Don’t try to solve their problems, though! You could be wrong and accidentally focus on something unrelated to their vast emotions. Sometimes, kids (and moms) need to be emotional before acknowledging a problem exists.

Talking and listening: Talking about feelings will eventually uncover a need. Emotions are tricky and make people feel crazy! Whether a mom or a child, let your family express raw feelings. Mom might get upset because she wants a giant piece of cake, but you brought her a whole grain muffin. A child could get grumpy if they didn’t receive the right Lego piece for their creation. Let them get upset! Stay active and engaged while you try to understand them better!

Moms want to feel safe with their immense feelings more than they want cake and pie. Moms want to complain, feel weak, and cry. They cover it up to protect other people. And yes, they actually wish to eat cake and wine, but more than that, they want someone else to be emotionally capable.

When you feel up to the challenge, be strong for her. Listen to her feelings and try not to judge. Understand and repeat what she says without giving in or enabling. Watch a clip from the popular kid’s movie Inside Out. The character Sadness does a great job encouraging her friend Bing Bong to move into feelings of grief instead of ignoring them or distracting from the truth –like the character Joy does.

12. Vacation Planning

Help her with planning events and trips. Kids are demanding, and many times they require fun experiences. Vacations and trips are a great way to relax and get out of the house. Take some time to talk to her or your family about ways they might like to get outside the home.

In the summer, consider a trip to a lake, a campsite, or an amusement park. Winter vacations are fun if you like sledding and skiing. Collect ideas and save website links. Look into coupons if you budget trips and consider the timing for more discounts. Try to plan things for you and the family by remembering each family’s interests. Use this as an opportunity to teach your family to value family time and mindfulness.

13. Pictures & Memory Books

Snap lots of pictures and help with creating memory books. There are many online resources for making books, personalized products, and purchasing prints. The little things, like family memories, add up to a lot and help create a more stress-free, loving, and memorable environment.

You can make vacation books, photo albums, back-to-school books, family memory books, or art books. Consider talking to her about whether she wants help with this task or not. It is possible that she wants to do it alone and that she wants help with another job while she is creating the masterpiece.

14. Collect Art

Make boxes of your child’s art for storage. Take out the best or the most memorable and tape them to walls and ceilings. If you remember something your child says while drawing, write that on the paper or project to help them remember a special memory.

There are many ways to repurpose old artwork if you don’t have enough wall space. Consider using binders or frames, scanning them into computers, laminating or preserving them digitally, or making new creations.

15. Finish Partial jobs

Everyone has a junk drawer, right? If you have children, you likely have junk bins! Find the drawer, shelf, or box with the broken toys or partial projects and try fixing something! Kids have broken wooden boats, torn books, and dirty walls.

Find the house areas that are getting ignored and fix them up. There may be a fireplace hearth that needs protection from children or old wooden frames that need some wood glue. Create opportunities to connect with your kids (or do it solo) by finding partial projects to conquer.

16. Play With Your Kids

Learn to play with your kids better! Parents get bogged down with duties and responsibilities and forget that it can be fun and joyful for adults. One of the best authors on the subject is Dr. Lawrence Cohen. He wrote the books, Playful Parenting, The Opposite of Worry, and The Art of Roughhousing.

Kids love to play, and sometimes moms need a break from the fun so they can be an adult. Give the on-call parents a break from their regular play duties. Play games with your kids and learn how to communicate with them on a kid’s level. Do not harshly judge what they do with their time because they might genuinely like watching the mud ooze between their toes.

Some kids like role-play games, while others like card games. Every child is different! There are tons of possibilities when it comes to playing. Follow their lead and ask lots of questions, and they will surely tell you what they enjoy.

17. Effective Communication

While this goes along with emotional labor, I decided it needs its own spot on the list because it is critical for new and exhausted parents. Communicating effectively is hard for new (or tenured) parents, but it is essential to try to exchange thoughts for a clearer perspective.

The 5 C’s According to Forbes

Be Clear
Be Concise
Provide a Compelling Request
Be Curious
Be Compassionate

Begin conversations with a calm, curious, non-judgmental tone to improve communication. If either person wants to freak out, and you probably will, it is okay. Remember that you have other options and that a heightened stress response is perhaps causing your communication issues.

Learn more about stress relief to incorporate ideas into your life and learn which stressors you need to eliminate. Once you identify a problem, it gets easier to approach the subject more calmly.

Understand when things become a problem so you can find a proper solution. You may need to talk about how you are miscommunicating. Maybe your parenting styles are different, and you are working on finding balance. Sometimes moms want other people to communicate more. They may purposefully remain distant and quiet to let another take over the reigns.

18. Embrace Confusion

Embrace your confusion! Understanding that you are confused will help you experience what primary caregivers feel, and understanding is an integral part of empathy. Remember all the baby books she asked you to read? Go check out her book collection to see if there are any to help you understand a topic better.

A genuine state of confusion often masks mothers’ outward confidence. They act as if they understand, but they are riding the wave! Moms are always confused, and they conceal this fact by acting in charge. Most of the time, though, they are exhausted and also confused.

Being confused with this life-long adventure is a regular part of parenting and one that most moms have already acknowledged. They may act like they know it all, probably because it’s know more than you understand, but they are frequently confused.

19. Help Yourself

Consider joining different groups online, and find a therapist or a parenting coach. Talk with other friends you relate to and discuss ways to manage personal triggers, plan family outings, and help your tired partner. Hold yourself accountable for your issues so she doesn’t have to be.

Mom’s feel accountable for so many different aspects of their family’s life –it is no wonder they are overwhelmed. Please get the help you need when your partner cannot help you. Husbands, wives, and partners can be listeners, friends, and confidants, but they can not provide everything because they are just one human.

Think about the personal problems you have that are unrelated to her to find help in that area. You may find that looking for help is something that takes a load off her already packed schedule. It may not look like she is actively searching for help for you, but moms are constantly finding new ways to help others with their problems and keep them in the vault to consider in the future.

20. Time To Exercise

Mommas need time to move their bodies! And not just bending down to pick up piles of blocks. Women’s health is critical and must be taken seriously during children’s early years. Moms stuck at home rarely increase their heart rate, stretch, or find time to revisit old hobbies.

Ways Moms Can Stay Active

yoga
weight-lifting
walking/running
rock climbing
swimming
dancing

When parents are tired, it is often due to a lack of exercise. Movement helps decrease depression, stress, and chronic illness and maintains healthy bones, muscles, and joints. Anytime is better than none, but I recommend something fun that your significant other will enjoy.

21. Budget

No one likes talking about it, but finances are exhausting! Moms have to prepare for trips, school activities, playdates, bills, and more! There may not be an easy way to do this, but talking about it with your person may help you figure out how to distribute the responsibilities.

Consider getting a plain composition book to label bills. Use this book only for bills! Use a page a month to list bill names, due dates, and costs. Try highlighting the bills with a specific color when they are paid or just crossing them out to indicate they are paid. Payment due dates vary, making this an annoying task for tired moms.

22. Laugh

Moms are usually stressed, tired, and unhealthy. It doesn’t have to be this way forever! Laughing is a healthy way for parents to stay relaxed and stress-free. Laughing also helps parents with insomnia!

Improves sleep
Alleviates stress
Helps with insomnia
Helps with pain
Boosts the immune system
Elevates moods
Releases anxiety and tension

Make a note to watch something funny or introduce your family to Mad Libs. When it is genuine and relatable, parents get the most laughs. Laughter helps children and parents with their fear and anxiety because they talk about bothersome subjects without feeling threatened by the distant memory.

23. Connect With Your Partner

Last but certainly not least– reconnect with your lover! Remember the couple you were before having children. Revisit old topics you liked to discuss, make time for movies, music, and shows you enjoyed watching together, and consider activities that help you connect better.

Kids are draining, annoying, and exhausting sometimes. Taking the time to be with the person you loved enough to create valuable life will help you remember the joys of parenting. Keep laughing, try snuggling, go out for a walk and hold hands. Some families value praying, while others like to meditate to stay focused and connected. Whatever your partner’s values, try sharing more experiences to remain stress-free and rested!