11 Tips for Playing With Children– adult-led, child-led

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There are different ways to get children engaged in learning. Parents want to play with their children, but have a hard time because of typical responsibilities, lack of resources, and limited creativity. Whatever the situation, playing can be a combination of many different things. Playing with children can be exhausting, fun, rewarding, and challenging.

Here are 11 tips for playing with children:

Decide how to play with them
Ask children questions
Communicate by saying what you see
Eliminate judgments
Pretend or role-play games
Help them with strong feelings
Direct their attention to the senses
Encourage complex ideas
Facilitate peer communication
Respect duration and space
Respond to non-verbal cues

In this post, we’ll discuss 11 different tips for playing with children that will enhance a learner’s experience and help tired and exhausted parents. Figure out what works best for you and your family to strengthen your family time.

Remember, kids play best when communication lacks judgments and promotes their curiosity. Children love using their senses and want to learn more about their environments. Respect children’s time and space to encourage empathy and pro-social behaviors. Also, these tips can apply to all sorts of situations –adult-led play, child-led play, and adult-initiated play —use the information that fits your situation and environment.

1. Decide How to Play with Children

Decide which type of play you want to commit to and what level of involvement you have –adult-led play, child-led play, and adult-initiated play.

You are so patient. I know it! You care enough to set aside some learning time for you and your family. This first step is pretty obvious and why you are here, right?

So, how do you lead a parade if you forget how to march? I got you. If you understand how to help children play and communicate better with peers, neighbors, and other adults, you will find that they will follow your lead quite easily.

How Do You Play With Younger Children?

Parents may want to control a play situation for various reasons – safety, guidance, support– during adult-led play or let the child control a situation during child-led play. Adult-initiated play is when an adult begins an activity, plays for a few minutes then departs.

There are different ways to play with kids –adult-led play, child-led play, & adult-initiated play.

Adults should remember to ask questions during any play, focus on senses, value emotions, and be respectful of time, space, and energy levels.

Adult-led play is when the adult controls the learning, games, concepts, materials, and activities. Kids copy, mimic, and follow adults because they trust them and want to learn more. Adults should learn how to play with their kids better, though. Sometimes, parents are just confused, tired, and ambivalent.

We are talking about adult-led play, but these steps are helpful for different types of play and various communication methods.

Child-led play is when you let the child control a playful experience. It helps them feel comfortable with ideas, concepts, and autonomy. Allowing your kids to be the ones who boss you around and make the rules helps them feel independent and in charge.

Adult-initiated play is when a caregiver begins an activity for the child before leaving to do other responsibilities.

There are different ways kids typically engage in play– parallel, solitary, social. It usually depends on the time, setting, amount of children, and responsibilities. Parallel play, for example, is when you play in the same area but do not directly affect how you play.

Children are interested in what other people are doing when they are adjacent to one another, and they enhance their experience as they see fit. Many studies show that parallel play promotes social-emotional skills, language learning, and development.

Play with children by being close to their ideas but not invading their exploration during parallel play. Keep an eye on their props, tools, or toys to ask questions, suggest solutions, and help them understand symbols.

Since there are many different ways kids play, I wrote a separate article here on the ways children play. Read this article for more benefits of play and the differences between child-led play, adult-led play, and adult-initiated play.

2. Ask Kids Questions

Kid-friendly questions should be objective, age-appropriate, honest, and model further exploration. Questions should involve their play environment, initiate dialogue, and spark their curiosity.

What Are Some Good Kid-Friendly Questions?

Ask honest questions; you might have no idea what they are doing. Guide them in a direction that helps them to understand their goals. If you want your kids to play better, you must first ask yourself and your child the right questions. Children are born with a unique perspective.

What is the name of that character again?

Find your solutions to adult problems if they genuinely worry you and value your child’s unique ideas and creations. As a worried parent, if you disagree with their idea, try to reconsider the placement of the activity, ask yourself what you are so concerned about, or try to understand if you misunderstand their goals.

Okay, I don’t understand, and I am kinda scared. Where are you putting the metal rod?

Model curiosity to help them find solutions through their own pretend scenarios. They will be more likely to bond with others because they will give themselves the option of asking them additional questions. Asking questions promotes social skills and helps them solve their problems. Ask questions with them, and they will do it with others.

So, it is for the slide. I did not see that coming. What are you going to use it for?

Please describe the situation and direct their questions to the environment. This is the best way to communicate with people if your goal encourages learning and development. It works with all types of play situations and settings.

I can surely see that there is green Play-doh. How are you going to make it stick?

Consider their motives or their goal. Repeat what you think their goal is or simply ask. It is the holy grail for play communication. The idea is to use what you see with your eyes to verbally direct attention to the action without any unconscious bias or inappropriate social stigmas. Your goal is to teach and guide a person into learning and playful endeavors.

What is the point in sticking the puffy pink Barbie pillow to the bottom of the metal rod?

Communicate and ask questions plainly to facilitate their experience in a way that sparks their interests. Children will naturally play if you allow it to happen. As I mentioned above, children want to tell you their idea if they feel they aren’t being attacked by personal bias. They will elaborate after you show an interest and start a small conversation based on your own sensory experiences.

Why do you need the hot glue gun out?

3. Communicating With Kids by Saying What You See

This is for all the tired parents out there! I see you! 🥱

Learning to communicate well is a skill. Sometimes parents struggle to initiate conversation because they don’t understand their children, they are super fatigued or are preoccupied with other adult problems. It is important to keep asking questions and to practice communicating plainly. I call it “say what you see.”

Sometimes parents are tired. Let’s face it. We aren’t always as creative as we want to be. Whenever parents feel confused about playing or are too tired to play, they should stay focused on the senses. It is a tried and true method and helps me feel like I am doing my best, even when I feel my worst.

This goes along with the senses section down below (#7), but it deserves its own section because many parents need a default play method when they are extremely tired. This is mine! Don’t feel pressured, annoyed, or agitated when kids want to play when you are exhausted. You are allowed to experience those feelings for sure, but there are other options out there!

Use the senses to describe a situation during play by saying what you see. Please focus on the senses to lead them into more complex ideas and strategies without feeling like you need to come up with all the ideas! Kids can come up with ideas too.

Say what you see, say you are tired and encourage them to explore further.

How Do You Communicate During Play?

Try using this “say what you see” method whenever you lack communication skills or creativity, and it happens organically. This can happen during adult-led play, child-led play, or adult-initiated play. Try not to pressure yourself to come up will original or trendy ideas if you aren’t feeling up to the challenge.

Say what you see, and they will show you more. The same could be applied to the other senses when applicable; touch, smell, sound, taste.

Examples of saying what you see

That doll is on lying on the dog

You put the play dough over the mouth

There is slime oozing down its leg

She put a triangle on top of the rectangle

I see there are pushpins in the eyes

There is a cotton ball on top of the structure

I see the glitter in the water

There are three stripes of glue

You put the toy on the bottom shelf

4. Eliminate Judgments

Try to hold back from demanding kids to play a certain way. It is best to not judge children’s playful endeavors because they most likely haven’t tried yet and are processing ideas with you. Before judging their explorations, ask questions, bring up safety issues, and direct their attention to their goals.

When conversations lack intense judgments, children are more likely to feel comfortable with their ideas and explore further (Gestwicki, 2007).

Use this method with the previous tips to help you communicate better before, after, and during play. Don’t judge your own curiosity. Don’t judge children’s curiosity. They will learn to think creatively.

What is Non-Judgemental Communication?

Non-judgemental communication is when you actively listen to what your child says –before deciding that they can or can not do something– then ask appropriate questions and reflect with your child.

Revisit step two and ask questions before saying no to understand more about your child’s intentions. When reflecting on your questions, you may find that they change their minds and decide on something else.

When safety is an issue, address it by teaching safety tips and focusing less on the child’s ideas. Help direct children’s attention to the safety aspect to teach them to find solutions to their original idea, instead of deeming it inappropriate or unworthy of attention.

5. Play Pretend or Roleplay

Dramatic play helps children explore their fear and take control of situations. Playing pretend with children reinforces their role in certain situations, but instead of feeling powerless, they get to create the scene to control something scary, fun, or playful.

What is an Example of Pretend Play?

Pretend play or dramatic play is when kids use tools and materials for reenacting a situation. An example of pretend play is when an adult pretends to be an infant, and the child is feeding them oatmeal.

A child might want to reenact this situation because they really hate being fed forcefully and want to process that feeling with you. They will act out the situation and reflect as they pretend to force you to eat their oatmeal. It helps them release stress and tension because they have the power over the adult during this type of play and want to make you look silly so they can laugh through their anxiety.

Playing pretend is a valuable experience because it helps children process and reenact challenging situations. They learn through verbal cues, symbols, and pretend characters when engaged in roleplay. When an adult takes on a character role, the adult can suggest ideas, guide language, ask complex questions, and solve problems with the child.

Children do not always listen when you are in your typical parenting role. They listen better when you take on a different pretend role compared to your role as a giant human treading on their territory. Gently incorporate everyday parenting jargon into their pretend play scenario for deeper learning and skill-building.

Don’t forget to laugh and have fun! If a child wants you to be involved in dramatic play, it is fine to be dramatic and silly, so they learn to laugh at the situation instead of feeling threatened.

When situations arise that make you feel panicky or worrisome, remember that your child is trying to experience something that may have happened too quickly for them to process.

This type of play helps them learn how to process their realities genuinely and efficiently. Playing pretend allows adults to engage their children in more complex scenarios they may have not otherwise considered.

6. Communicate Through Strong Feelings

This section contains an affiliate link.

Huge emotions that arise during play are a normal part of development. Use it as an opportunity to encourage children to ask for help with their feelings.

According to Daniel Goleman, there are four types of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence during play is when kids and adults learn to identify, label, and process emotions. Children learn to stay grounded and mindful when they label the feelings that arise in their bodies and are more likely to stay regulated while stressed.

Kids typically understand that parents are unprepared to actively guide emotions during an intense moment in public or otherwise. Parents are not trying to be dismissive or distant. The result, however, is that children stuff their feelings or dance around an uncomfortable topic. They are just confused and don’t understand when it is appropriate to express emotions.

Stay engaged and present during playful interactions when time allows and introduce self-awareness. It is prime time to use your parenting power to uncover those dusty memories. They will feel messy and hard to untangle, but you will feel a deeper bond and a stronger connection by the end, and your child will learn empathy for others.

In this article’s video, Dr. John and Julia Gottman talk in great detail about emotion coaching.

Follow Dr. Laura Markham and her blog to learn some fantastic tips and step-by-step strategies for communicating, playing, and bonding better. Dr. Laura is a very active presence and has excellent suggestions on how to steer play directly into emotional integrity.

I am also a huge fan of products that promote emotional intelligence. Generation Mindful has some great products that will surely help your tiny human process their emotions efficiently and effectively. Check out the banner at the bottom of this website to go to their homepage. Better yet, check their products here! ⬇️

7. Direct Their Attention to the Senses

Okay, I know it sounds redundant, but sometimes kids need active engagement and direction. Given you are not exhausted –or are slowly crawling out of your hibernation cave– it is a good idea to actively participate in sensory play. It is healthy for adults and children because it helps families bond, it strengthens memory, and sometimes (when we aren’t super tired and annoyed) it is fun!

Use the say what you see methods from the previous section (#3) but instead of it serving as a default play method during an exhausting period, try being present, active, and engaged to direct your children’s attention to different types of experiences and opportunities.

Consider different ways to get outside and be active to promote sensory play.

How Does Sensory Play Support Learning and Development?

Sensory play supports learning and development because the senses connect the brain to the body. Children learn language skills motor coordination, and they strengthen their memories.

Sensory games are an important moment in the day if parents are busy, overworked, and unattentive. Read this article to learn more about incorporating the senses into your play routine. It will even help you – the adult– cope better with stress.

Learning how to play through the senses is fun for kids and adults– especially when we feel tired. Learning better language skills for sensory experiences will optimize learning because it helps connect memories and improves focus.

8. Gently Encourage Them to be Involved in Complex Ideas

There are layers involved in playing, and adults should facilitate learning by teaching children through roleplay, art, physical activities, and language learning. This allows them to process symbolic meaning, hardened feelings, maturation, and motivation.

How Do You Support Complex Cooperative Play?

Support complex cooperative play by directing their attention to more complex ideas and strategies, so they learn to communicate, collaborate, and identify goals with peers.

An infant might not understand that hats keep your head warm or that candles smell nice until you play with them and help them identify those senses. Older toddlers will continue to play games like “take the hat off your head” or “lick the candle” until you have determined that they are ready for more complex learning.

Preschoolers will gradually understand that a fedora is a stylish hat choice, and beanies are more for warmth as you introduce new concepts and categories. They may also identify whether a candle is an apple scent or cinnamon. Eventually, this learning leads them into complex pretend play and dialogue.

Eventually, complex cooperative play will look like a group of children negotiating ideas, exchanging theories, and proposing solutions together at school or in their community.

Play can be confusing, and kids get a lot of mixed messages. The ideas, methods, and conversations that arise during play are the opportunity to separate the confusing signals by encouraging a new level of learning and another stable experience for kids to associate with a recalled memory.

During play, it might not always look like a child is taking off your hat or trying to lick a candle because every situation is unique. See what is happening in your territory to learn how to involve more layers in the learning. It will probably mimic your everyday life and feel weird, but they will give themselves a chance to understand if you are patient and play alongside them.

9. Facilitate Peer Communication

Helping children talk together is a great way to stay engaged and helpful during playful interactions. Parents shouldn’t always control or direct play. In fact, parents should not always be in charge. Adults can help kids communicate better together and listen to children during play to clear up any confusion and assist with problem-solving.

Why is Peer Communication Important During Play?

Peer communication is important because kids learn to identify goals, feelings, and strategies that will help them carry out a specific task. They learn to reflect and process others’ ideas and share their feedback.

Social-emotional learning is one of the considerable benefits to play. When you take on an essential role in their play routine, you become an opportunity to practice new dialogue and negotiate.

Children want to learn how to work through their problems, but they can’t when they feel rushed or pressured during real social interactions. Playtime is the chance for them to practice saying the words, phrases, and explanations they have been thinking about.

If you are playing alongside a child, parallel play, you are not actively involved in their activity or discussions. Still, you can direct the conversation through suggestions, repeating what they say, and gentle reminders.

This method of socialization becomes a rich experience for children because they can have an experience with another child or an adult and accept that they will not always get what they want, but that they can continue to communicate needs, ideas, or preferences.

10. Be Respectful of Duration and Space

Please remember to be respectful of your time with them if they are with other children or want to explore at their own pace. This may sound confusing, but you don’t want to play with them for so long that they cannot practice learned skills with others– neighbors, friends, siblings– or solo. This could vary depending on the child’s age and the environment.

How Much Time Should You Spend Playing With Your Child?

The amount of time you spend with your child depends on your level of involvement. Adult-initiated play should be at least 15 minutes a day, and child-led play can be hours and hours.

Sometimes, children do require a lot of work before they feel comfortable separating from a caregiver or parent but try to separate from the child periodically to assess their comfort levels.

If you attempt a separation and they express a strong emotion, take that as another moment to connect and continue to guide the dialogue to learn more by expressing sincere curiosity.

Other children will be fine with an abrupt exit and show you that they can play and practice just fine with other people. The goal should be to give children the tools to play and communicate with others by getting a good dose of one-on-one play.

Read this article on adult-initiated play to learn more about valuing the departure and this article that breaks down independent play.

11. Respond to Non-Verbal Cues

Some children fizzle more quickly than others. Keep this in mind when you are actively participating in their play environment. If you suggest that they work harder at communicating, responding, and negotiating through play, they will get tired or hungry.

What Are Some Examples of Con-verbal Cues?

Non-verbal cues are typically expressions that involve the body that signifies an emotion. Examples of non-verbal cues are facial expressions, body language, eye gaze, voice tone, and hand gestures.

Sometimes, new experiences can be mentally overwhelming for children because they learn new concepts, skills, and techniques. Learn about your child’s non-verbal cues and adjust your play agenda as they respond to you.

Conclusion

Whew! What a lot to absorb. If you are still with me, excellent work! We discussed the different types of play and ways to communicate with children through play. Children play best when communication is objective and respectful. Complex cooperative play is vital for peer communication and creates a strong foundation for empathy in future relationships.

There are tons of ways kids play and many opinions on the best ways to promote curiosity. I hope you try some of these ideas to see how your child responds!